When BLEACH characters read BLEACH fanfiction
by Squeakychiona
Summary: This is what happens when the characters of BLEACH read the BLEACH fanfictions. A lot of scarring and emotional damage. Some crack, some thought. It all starts when a curious soul reaper discovers the internet. Read and Review Please.
1. Rukia Finds FFdotNet

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach.

This is a little something I thought would be funny. So I decided why not put it up before anyone else gets the idea. I hope everyone can get a laugh or two from this. I'm sorry I couldn't just write the website name, it would always disappear, so I had to find a way around it.

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**Chapter 1: Rukia Finds FFdotNet **

**Rukia, because she was always in the human world eventually discovered the wonders of the internet. She discovered FanFictionDotNet She began her little adventure by looking at the BLEACH fanfiction. What Rukia read during those four hours were the most scarring.**

"**I did what with Ichigo!?" Rukia asked yelling as Ichigo looked at her, confused on his bed.**

"**What did you do with me?" Ichigo asked confused as Rukia minimized the page. **

"**Nothing." Rukia said as Ichigo fell asleep. Rukia read all kinds of fics. Some were cute even if it was her and Renji. It made her think of the red head for a moment. That is until she got to the lemony part. That was when she clicked off and went to a different story. She was more horrified as she read stories with her and Hanataro. She gagged at lemons with her and Orihime. She vomited at the DETAILED relations she 'had' with her Nii-sama. She closed off the page, turned off the computer, and retreated to her little closet. She lay there wide awake for half the night. The words of the fanfics; running through her head, unable to let her sleep. She sighed as she stood up and walked to Ichigo. "Hey Ichigo, I can't sleep." Rukia said as Ichigo woke up with a groan.**

"**What did you have a bad dream?" Ichigo asked as he looked at Rukia.**

"……………**.Yeah." Rukia said as she sat on Ichigo's bed. "Please tell me you humans have something for this." Rukia said as she looked at Ichigo with puppy eyes. Ichigo sighed as he opened a drawer, pulled out a bottle, and handed it to Rukia. **

"**Here, drink one of these with water. You should start felling sleepy right away. It helps me when I can't sleep." Ichigo said as he went back to sleep. **

"**Thank you Ichigo." Rukia took the bottle and went to the kitchen. There, she drank a glass of water and one of the pills. She slowly walked back up the stairs, feeling drowsier with every step. "Ichigo was right, this works quicker than I thought." Rukia said as she stumbled back to Ichigo's room. She wobbled as she tried to walk back to the closet. Instead, she threw herself on Ichigo's bed and fell asleep. Ichigo turned as he felt around his bed. He sat up as he saw Rukia asleep. Ichigo sighed as he made himself a bit more room on his bed.**

"**Really Rukia, you're something else." Ichigo said as he covered Rukia with his blanket. He blushed as Rukia, in her sleepy daze hugged Ichigo.**

"**The fanfics……keep them away from me, Ichigo." Rukia said in her sleep as Ichigo let out another sigh.**

"**What the hell is she talking about?" Ichigo asked himself as he looked at his computer. "I'll check tomorrow." Ichigo said as he tried to forget being hugged by the petite brunette and went to sleep.**

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I hope you guys enjoyed this. This was something I felt like doing when I'm not working on my other stories. I assure you guys. I'll try to finish those stories. But for now, enjoy this story as well. Remember review so that I can put up the next victim. –evilish snicker-


	2. Rotting Strawberries

**Disclaimer:** I don't own BLEACH. I know….what a pity. Just kidding.

**To Hynatta-Rocks24, Sliver A. Ryuu, Mariner945, Mandywong94, Favorite of Chaos, Annabell10, and Kineo: **Thank you so much for your reviews!

Well….you guys waited, here's the next Victim!

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**Chapter 2: Rotting Strawberries**

**Ichigo went up to his room after dinner, Rukia having completely forgotten her ordeal from last night was acting like herself again. Ichigo entered his room and lay on his bed. "Oh, wait I was gonna check the computer." Ichigo said as he sat up and turned on his computer. He looked at the history and found a long list of FanFictionDotNet pages. Ichigo looked confused as he clicked on it and looked for BLEACH fanfics with him as the main character. He fell off his chair as he read yaoi fanfics with him and Renji. Rukia walked into the room, fresh from a bath.**

"**What's wrong Ichigo?" Rukia asked as Ichigo looked at her.**

"**What the hell is this website?!" Ichigo asked wanting an explanation. "Why the hell are people writing about me and Renji doing the nasty, when we can't stand each other?" Ichigo asked as a shiver ran down Rukia's spine. **

"**At least you're not being paired off with one of your siblings." Rukia said as she felt her stomach turn and she ran to the wastebasket to vomit. "So, you found that dreaded place too?" Rukia asked as she looked up at Ichigo, who stood his chair back up and sat down.**

"**I'll just look for a more decent story." Ichigo said as he clicked off the yaoi and looked for something more hetero. "This one sounds okay." Ichigo said as he clicked on another story, Rukia read along with him as they both suddenly blushed red.**

"**Would we ever do that?" Rukia asked as Ichigo clicked off.**

"**How can people read this stuff? Let alone even review it!?" Ichigo said as Rukia looked at her outfit. It was semi-covered in vomit.**

"**Great, now I have to take another bath." Rukia sighed as she left for the bathroom again. Ichigo ignored her as he looked at other stories. He read through fanfics with him and Orihime and almost fell asleep. Ichigo tried to avoid as much yaoi as possible. Although there would be the occasional slash where the pairing wasn't mentioned in the summary. Thus he would accidentally walk into yaoi. He almost vomited on his keyboard as he skimmed through lemons with him and Byakuya. He gagged when he was paired up with a Mary-Sue. He actually did vomit on his keyboard when he read about his "relations" with a certain young white haired taichou. He fainted about an hour later when he read a secret slash, featuring him and Aizen.**

"**What are these people on?" Ichigo said before he fainted. Rukia came into the room, fresh from another bath as she found Ichigo on the floor. She sighed as he was foaming at the mouth. Rukia closed the FFdotNet window and turned off the computer and laid Ichigo on his bed.**

"**Forgive me Ichigo." Rukia said a she looked at Ichigo. "I should have warned you first." Rukia said as she went to get a damp towel.**

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Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Poor Ichigo. Review please so I can put up the next victim!


	3. The Hollows Will Play

**Dislaimer:** I don't own BLEACH

**Thanks go out to: Hynatta-Rocks24, ParadoxChild23, Favrite of Chaos, and xcal123: **Thank you for the reviews.

**Special thanks to Bleachrules1314: **Thank you so much for this idea. It completely slipped my mind!

If you guys got another story alert, I'm so sorry I had to make some little changes to this chapter. Besides that it's pretty much the same. Just two or three spelling errors. -sweat drop-

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**Chapter 3: The Hollows Will Play**

**Ichigo was knocked out after his little adventure on FFdotNet. His inner hollow thought of him a total wimp now. What a shame, if only he knew what Ichigo had been through.  
**

'**Come on, you can handle a life threatening gash on your shoulder, but you can't handle some stupid little stories?' Hichigo asked as his voice rang in Ichigo's mind.**

**-+Ichigo's Subconscious Thingy+-**

"**Shut up; if you're so brave, go look at it yourself!" Ichigo said a he turned away. "I'll give you full control for fifteen minutes. You can read as much of that crap as you want. I'll tell you one thing; they'll scar you for life." Ichigo said as Hichigo let out a laugh.**

"**You underestimate me partner, I'm not weak like you." Hichigo said as he took control.**

**-+Subconscious Thingy End+-**

**Hichigo, now in full control, stood up from the bed and turned on the computer. Rukia was fast asleep, taking more of Ichigo's pills really kept the fanfics away, according to her.**

'**I warned you.' Ichigo rang in as Hichigo scoffed. He opened up the history to FFdotNet and looked up his name. He skimmed through stories with him and Rukia. He didn't even bother with HichiHime. What made his eyes almost bulge out was a slash yaoi that never mentioned its evil in the summary. He read the limes and clicked off.**

"**What the hell are these?" Hichigo asked as he skimmed through yaoi poems and limes.**

'**Keep going, you haven't even reached the worst part yet.' Ichigo rang in as Hichigo sighed.**

"**I still don't see how this will scar me." Hichigo said as he saw something on a fanfic summary that read "Hichi Lemon". Hichigo clicked on it in curiosity. "I'm a lemon?" Hichigo said in confusion as he skimmed through part he found boring. He skipped three chapters. "I still don't see the part where I become a lemon." Hichigo said as he actually starting reading the chapters.**

'**You'll see soon.' Ichigo rang with a sigh.**

"**WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?" Hichigo yelled out as he read a lemon with him and Ichigo. "Who dares to even write this!? It's disgusting!" Hichigo said as he closed off his nightmare and turned off the computer. He felt his stomach twist and turn as he vomited on the carpet.**

'**What the hell!? Do that in the trashcan!' Ichigo rang in angrily as Hichigo reached for the wastebasket. **

"**The words, they won't get out of my head. They won't leave!" Hichigo cried out as he vomited into the wastebasket. "Why do people even think those things? I would never do that with you, how can we? We share a damn body!" Hichigo yelled in anger as he vomited. **

"**Now you know how I feel. Time's up." Ichigo said as he took back control. He wiped a bit of vomit from his lips as he looked at the mess Hichigo had made. "You could have at least tried to hold it in. Inverted bastard." Ichigo cursed as he went downstairs to get a washcloth. **

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I hope you all liked the fast update, it's all because of your reviews! Instead of just adding this part to Ichigo's moment. I thought it would be funnier to give Hichigo his time to shine. Remember review please so I can put up the next victim!


	4. Crooked Tattoos

**Disclaimer:** I don't own BLEACH.

**To all of the reviewers:** Thank you so much! I'm sorry, there are just too many reviewers to list and I keep getting more by the minute.

I was thinking about skipping Urahara, there just aren't many fanfics of him that I can use against him. Most are with Yoruichi, and I love Ura/Yoru. So if anyone can give me at least one idea, I would really appreciate it!

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**Chapter 4: Crooked Tattoos**

**Thanks to Urahara's handiwork, every taichou and fuku-taichou now had a computer in their office desks. Meaning every taichou and fuku-taichou had access to the internet. Renji who was bored out of his mind thought it wouldn't be too bad to surf around. Renji remembered Rukia telling him NOT to go to FFdotNet.**

'**What's so bad about it anyway? I think it's kinda flattering to have people write stories about you. It can't be that bad.' Renji thought as he turned on the computer and typed in the website name. He looked up BLEACH and then his own name. He started reading as he looked confused.**

"**Who the hell is Tatsuki?" Renji asked himself as he continued reading. He then clicked off and read another one. His curious zanpakuto, Zabimaru, came out and looked at the screen.**

"**Renji, what are you doing?" Zabimaru asked as Renji continued reading.**

"**I'm on this website, Rukia told me about. I don't see what's so bad about it so far." Renji said as he started reading RenRuki. He smiled as he read through the romance.**

"**Why are you so happy?" Zabimaru asked as Renji laughed.**

"**This is my kinda story." Renji said as he suddenly blushed; getting to a lemon and clicking off.**

"**Now what?" Zabimaru asked confused. Renji tried to hide his blush.**

"**Maybe this wasn't the right story." Renji said as he clicked on the dreaded unlabeled yaoi. He skimmed as he fell off his chair.** "**Me and Ichigo did what!?" Renji yelled as Zabimaru read what was on the screen. **

"**That's disturbing." Zabimaru said as he looked at Renji.**

"**I'll just find a different one." Renji stood up as he clicked off and clicked a random story. Unfortunately for Renji, he was about to stumble upon one of the most horrifying yaoi couple BLEACH had ever seen. Renji fell off his chair again as he spilled his tea all over his robes.**

"**Now what?" Zabimaru asked as Renji made no attempt to get up.**

"**These people are evil! How can me….and Kuchiki-taichou…...why do people think of this stuff." Renji asked as he looked at Zabimaru. "Can you get me the wastebasket?" Renji asked as Zabimaru pushed the tiny bucket towards him. Renji tried to get up as he went for the wastebasket, as if his life depended on it.**

"**Was it that bad?" Zabimaru asked worried as Renji vomited.**

"**Rukia is one thing, but Kuchiki-taichou? They went a bit too far. They put details and everything." Renji said as he continued vomiting. "I should have listened to Rukia." Renji said as Byakuya walked into the office. **

"**What's going on Renji?" Byakuya asked as he looked at Renji. The scarred red head wiped his mouth and stood up. **

"**Nothing………..Kuchiki-taichou." Renji said as Byakuya sighed.**

"**Get cleaned up, you're going to get the office dirty." Byakuya said as he sat on his desk and noticed the wastebasket near Renji's desk. "And take that with you." Renji nodded as he took the wastebasket and headed to the door. Before he did, he looked back at his taichou.**

"**Kuchiki-taichou, whatever you do, don't go to FanFictionDotNet." Renji said as Byakuya looked at him confused.**

"**And why not?" Byakuya asked as Renji looked away.**

"**It's for your own good, taichou." Renji said as he left, leaving the curious Byakuya all alone.**

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I hope everyone loved this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Remember, review so I can put up the next victim.


	5. Noble Curiousity

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach.

**To all my reviewers: **Thank you all so much for your reviews!

As the fans grow dramatically, I can help but be amazed how I only wrote this story two days ago. I mean this is already catching up to my top fanfic. And that has 124 reviews with over 7000 hits! So Byakuya fans that don't like yaoi, if you want to read it feel free. Being a Byakuya fangirl and all I couldn't help myself.

Seeing as this is my story, I decided to add my OC as a minor character. So don't worry, there is no romance.

You guys are so impatient; I wanted to post this chapter two days from now. But I couldn't help but serve to the reviewers. I'm just too nice. Enjoy!

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**Chapter 5: Noble Curiosity **

**Byakuya wondered what had troubled Renji so. "FanFictionDotNet? It sounds harmless." Byakuya said as he turned on his computer. "Honestly, what could be so bad?" He asked as he went to the website and looked up his name. He scrolled down the list as he read the summaries. Anything that seemed too boring was skipped. **

"**Kuchiki-taichou? What are you doing?" Byakuya's third seat, Kisara Kyoyama asked as she walked into the office.**

"**Getting rid of my curiosity." Byakuya replied as he looked at Kisara.**

"**Oh, okay then. You won't mind if I get you some tea then." Kisara said as Byakuya started reading. "Remember what they say Kuchiki-taichou, curiosity killed the cat." Kisara said as she walked out. Byakuya saw her leave as he went back to reading. He simply read poems that talked about his nobility, his looks, and his strength. He let out a bored sigh as he clicked off.**

"**Looks like I'm being stalked." Byakuya said to himself as he clicked the dreaded untagged yaoi. It seemed normal of course, just normal discussions between him and his fuku-taichou, Renji. He skipped a paragraph and continued reading. He stopped suddenly as his eyebrow twitched. He felt his stomach turn, but he held it in. 'What is this garbage? I would never do such a thing.' Byakuya thought as he clicked off the lime. **

**A few minutes later, Byakuya started to feel better as he clicked another dreaded untagged yaoi. He started to gag as it was again with Renji, but this time it was a lemon. He held a hand to his mouth as he tried to hold it in. Oh, such pride. He clicked so much untagged yaoi that the more he skimmed and read, the harder it was to hold it all in. Arguments with Ichigo that suddenly became passionate, pedophiliac desires for Yachiru, lemons and limes with Rukia. All of them made him gag and feel dizzy. Mary-Sues only made it worse. Byakuya, still with his hand at his mouth, clicked off the site and turned off the computer.**

'**I can't hold it anymore.' Byakuya thought as he reached for the nearest bowl-shaped item, which happened to be a wastebasket, and let it all out. Kisara walked into the office, a tray with the kettle and two cups of tea. She dropped the tray in shock as she saw her taichou. He leaned on the wastebasket, vomiting what seem to be waterfalls. She ran to him worried.**

"**Kuchiki-taichou, what's wrong?!" Kisara asked worried as she helped out her taichou. Byakuya looked at her for a second before going back into a vomiting lapse. Kisara reached for a tissue as Byakuya tried to breathe, she wiped his mouth as he took deep breaths. "What happened to you?"**

"**It was horrible, they were all yaoi." Byakuya said eyes wide as he went into another lapse. "I should have heeded Renji's warning." Byakuya said as Kisara wiped his mouth again.**

"**Are you going to be alright, Kuchiki-taichou?" Kisara asked worried as Byakuya tried to stand up.**

"**If I can forget what I just went through, then yes." Byakuya said as Kisara helped him sit down.**

"**Stay here Kuchiki-taichou; I'll go get Unohana-taichou." Kisara said as Byakuya nodded.**

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I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I had so much fun writing it. Remember; review so I can put up the next victim.


	6. Assistance in Squad Four!

**Disclaimer:**I am sorry to say that I don't own BLEACH. I'm happy to say that I own this story and Tite Kubo own BLEACH.

**To all the reviewers:** Thank you so much for your reviews! I never thought this would be so successful! Guess I was wrong.

This is kinda gonna be a threesome deal. Isane doesn't have many fanfics on her. Either that or I just can't find any. Hanataro, I just wanted to throw him in and get it over with. I'm sorry for my laziness. Again my OC needs to be in this to help the story run a bit smoother. –sweat drop-

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**Chapter 6: Assistance in Squad Four!**

**Kisara ran to the Squad Four barracks as she bumped into Hanataro.**

"**Oh, hey Kisara. What's wrong, you look worried." Hanataro asked as Kisara grabbed him and shook him by the shoulders. **

"**Where is Unohana-taichou!?" Kisara panicked as she shook Hanataro like a rag doll.**

"**I'll take...you to...her." Hanataro said dizzily as he tried to maintain his balance.**

**-+Unohana's Office+-**

"**Just give this to Kuchiki-taichou and he should be feeling better in no time." Unohana said sweetly as she gave Kisara a small bag. Kisara bowed as she left the room. Hanataro walked into the office as Isane and Unohana discussed. **

"**So what happened?" Hanataro asked nervously as Isane looked at him.**

"**It seems Kuchiki-taichou came in contact with something called FanFictionDotNet. Unohana-taichou and I thought it would be good to check it out ourselves." Isane said as Unohana turned on her computer.**

"**Renji suffered from contact with FanFictionDotNet before Kuchiki-taichou. Would you like to help us out Hanataro?" Unohana asked sweetly as Hanataro quickly nodded.**

"**Of course taichou, I would be honored!" Hanataro said as Unohana typed in the website. She looked up Isane first. "Isane, let's see what they have on you." Unohana said as she and Isane started to read. Isane blushed as she was made Unohana click off. "Oh my." Unohana said a bit in shock.**

"**Why would I want to do THAT with Renji?" Isane said as Unohana clicked on another one. Her eyes widened as she held a hand to her mouth. "Taichou!" Isane said as Unohana shook her head.**

"**I can see why Kuchiki-taichou felt ill." Unohana said as she read a lemon featuring her and the noble. Isane clicked off and read another story. Hanataro joined in and read along with the other two. He immediately went to a wastebasket and vomited.**

"**Why did someone write me and Ichigo doing--" Hanataro was cut off as he went into another lapse. Unohana clicked off the yaoi lemon and clicked a random story. A few minutes of reading later and Isane pushed Hanataro away from the waste basket and went into her own lapses of vomiting. Unohana covered her mouth still as she held it back. She looked around the room as she reached into her drawer and took a pill with some tea. She let out a sigh as her nausea subsided for now.**

"**When I pledged to be by my taichou's side, I never meant I would--" Isane was cut off as she went into another lapse as Hanataro fainted.**

"**Hold yourself together Isane." Unohana said as she unknowingly read through a lemon featuring her and the battle hungry Zaraki-taichou. So much for holding it together, Unohana quickly grabbed a barf bag from her desk and let it all out. "Oh dear, how disturbing." Unohana said trying to keep calm as she went into lapses faster then Isane and Hanataro combined. Isane was knocked out as Unohana turned off the computer. "We have to warn…..Yamamoto." Unohana said as she fell off her chair, fainting.**

"**Thank you Unohana-taich--" Kisara said as she came back to the office to find the three knocked out on the floor. "Unohana-taichou!!" Kisara yelled out as she started to panic. "I have to get help!" Kisara said as she ran out of the office to get help.**

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I'm sorry if this wasn't as good as my others. It's hard to do three people at once. Especially if I barely read and fanfics on any of them. Well, except Unohana. Remember review so I can put up the next victim.


	7. Too Much Booze?

**Disclaimer:**Tite Kubo owns BLEACH; I only own a plushie and this story.

**To all the reviewers:** I love you all! Thank you so much for loving this story as much as I love writing it!

Hitsugaya is coming soon, please be a bit more patient. I assure you, Hitsugaya will have his chance to shine. And I assure you. **HE WILL SHINE**, because I've seen the fanfics people have written on him. Poor Shirou-chan is all I can say. Once again my OC is needed. Some of the pairings in this chapter was just coming from the top of my head.

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**Chapter 7: Too Much Booze?**

**Kisara ran around the Squad Four barracks in a panic as she crashed into Rangiku.**

"**Whoa, Kisara-chan, what's the rush?" Rangiku asked as Kisara panicked.**

"**Kuchiki-taichou, and Unohana-taichou, Hanataro, Isane. It's FanFictionDotNet!" Kisara shouted as she fainted from exhaustion. Rangiku caught Kisara and sighed. **

"**FanFictionDotNet? Now where have I heard that before?" Rangiku said as she started to think back. "Oh yeah, Renji told me, but he told me something else. I'll check it later." Rangiku said as she handed Kisara over to a passing Squad Four member and went to her office. About a few minutes later, Rangiku went to her computer. She took a cup and filled it with her favorite sake as she waited for her computer to load. "What was it called again?..." Rangiku asked as she tried to remember as Momo came into the office. "I remember now! FanFictionDotNet!" Rangiku said as she typed in the website on her web browser.**

"**Don't tell me you're going there Rangiku. I heard Renji felt sick after going there; along with Kuchiki-taichou." Momo said as she walked and looked at the screen as Rangiku grinned.**

"**Let's see what they have on you!" Rangiku said as she typed in Momo's name and started reading. She laughed as Momo blushed.**

"**M-Me and S-Shirou-chan?" Momo said as Rangiku laughed at the lemon.**

"**WHOO!!" Rangiku said excitedly as Momo made her click off.**

"**Stop reading that smut!" Momo said as Rangiku clicked another story.**

"**Hey, now it's you, Izuru and Renji!" Rangiku said as she had her eyes glued to the screen. Momo's stomach turned as she tried not to picture her, Renji, AND Izuru. **

"**Please Rangiku stop." Momo said as she tried to hold back the urge to run to the wastebasket.**

"**But it was just to have some fun!" Rangiku said as she poured herself more sake. She took a sip as she read another story. "Hey, it's another pervy story, but with you and Aizen! WHOO!!" Rangiku said as she was starting to get a bit tipsy from all the sake she had drank. Momo blushed beet red as she was still trying to get images of Izuru and Renji out of her head. She walked to the wastebasket and kneeled down, praying for the river of salvation that could only be vomit.**

"**Please…Rangiku…no more." Momo said as her wish was fulfilled. Rangiku sighed as she walked to Momo who was going through her lapses and put a cup of sake next to her.**

"**Drink this and you'll feel better." Rangiku said as she walked back to the computer and then looked up her name. "Now to see what they wrote about me." Rangiku said as she looked through summaries. She read a random story and skimmed through paragraphs. She blushed as she figured out she was reading a lemon with her and Gin. "M-Maybe another story will do." Rangiku said as she clicked off and clicked another story. This time she read every line carefully as to discover the pairing before she discovered it the hard way. "This story is just fluff and chatter. It's so boring, next chapter!" Rangiku said as she skipped three chapters.**

"**Rangiku…I'm feeling…a bit dizzy." Momo said as she dropped the empty cup and fainted from being drunk.**

"**You'll get used to it." Rangiku said as she ignored Momo and continued reading. She began to take another sip of sake as she read. She spit out her sake on the floor as she had been reading a yuri lemon featuring her and the Goddess of Flash. She held it in, ignoring the twisting in her stomach as she walked up to Momo and took the wastebasket. "I might need this." Rangiku said as she clicked off the lemon and clicked another story. **

**Minutes later and Rangiku was not only really drunk, but feeling the worse case of nausea you could imagine. She had read lemons of her and Toshiro; limes with Ichigo, yuri with her and Orihime at times even Rukia. She couldn't take it anymore as she turned off the computer and leaned over the wastebasket to let it all out and fainted. Half of the vomiting was from the fanfics, the other half was just from all the sake she drank that was suppose to keep her from vomiting in the first place. Toshiro walked in the office not surprised to see Rangiku on the floor; he looked at Momo and shook his head in disappointment.**

"**Matsumoto is one thing, but you Momo? I never thought it would be possible. " Toshiro said to himself as he poked Momo with his foot.**

"**Shiro-chan…stay away…from FanFiction……..DotNet." Momo said in her drunken sleep as Toshiro looked confused. **

"**FanFictionDotNet?" Toshiro looked at his computer. "What about it?" Toshiro asked as he sniffed the air, all he could smell was the smell of sake. "Shameless drunks." Toshiro said as he walked to his desk to get some paperwork done.**

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I hope you all liked this chapter. I put in less vomiting because I felt like it was starting to get a bit old really fast. Surely enough, there will be vomit here or there, just not as much as before. If you want to have your say on it, put it in your review. Remember to review so I can put up the next victim!


	8. Melting Point

**Disclaimer:** Tite Kubo owns BLEACH not me.

**To all my reviewers: **Thank you so much. Over 100 reviews in only 5 days!

Here's the moment most of you, if not everyone, has been waiting for. I put a lot into this chapter. So I hope you all enjoy

**Special Thanks to Ultimate Soldier:** Thanks for your great ideas! I'll be sure to put them to good use!

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**Chapter 8: Melting Point**

**Toshiro had finished his paperwork and was now utterly bored. Momo and Rangiku were still knocked out as Toshiro made no move whatsoever to wake them up. He turned on his computer and looked at Momo. "FanFictionDotNet, let's see what's so great about it." Toshiro said as he typed up the website and looked himself up. He looked for an interesting story and started to read. "Why did someone write a story with me and Ichigo's sister?" Toshiro sighed as he clicked off and went to the next one.**

"**Taichou, stay away from FanFict---" Rangiku said in her sleep as the rest was nothing but indistinct drunken slurs. Hitsugaya sighed as he read another story. He blushed and looked at Momo for a moment. He looked back and read carefully, making him blush redder. **

"**I would never do that with Momo! She's just a friend!" Toshiro said as he clicked off the story and went to another one. Before he read the story, he tried to get the images of himself and Momo out of his head. He stood up and walked over to Rangiku's desk, he grabbed a cup and her bottle of sake. "I can't believe I'm doing this." Toshiro said as he poured the sake and drank it quickly. He let out a sigh as he went back to his desk. "Why does Matsumoto even drink that? It's disgusting!" Toshiro said as he went back to the story.**

**Toshiro skipped two chapters and continued reading. According to the story, he and Rangiku were best friends and they lived together. Just the thoughts of being with Rangiku 24/7 made him want to run away as far as shunpo could take him. He skipped another chapter. He skimmed the story.**

"**Really this is it? They're all so boring." Toshiro said before reading the next sentence. He blushed red immediately as clicked off the lemon that featured him and Rangiku. He had serious images running through his head as he took another cup of sake. He gagged at the sake's taste as he tried to find another story. Unknown to him, the untagged yaoi reared its ugly head again. He skimmed as he turned not red, but blue. His stomach turned as he held it in. 'What is this? Me and Ichigo!? What drug are these people on!?' Toshiro thought as he clicked off the untagged yaoi, and unsuspectingly clicked on another one. A one shot-lemon, the worst kind of yaoi you could ever find. He clicked off as soon as he saw Aizen's name in the same sentence with his name. He found another story, but this time it was the dreaded Mary-Sue. **

"**Who the hell are these people!? And why do they write me falling in love with them as soon as I meet them!?" Toshiro said as he skipped five chapters. He clicked off gagging and holding himself together as he clicked off the lemon with him and the Mary-Sue. "I'm just a kid; I shouldn't even know how to do that." Toshiro said confessing that he was still a kid. He turned off the computer as he tried to forget everything that happened. He didn't want to drink anymore of Rangiku's sake. It was too nasty. As he tried to forget the Mary-Sue lemon, the images from other fanfics were getting into his head. He shook his head, hoping that he could shake off the images. It only made him more nauseous. He knew he had to warn everyone else, before he becomes the next sick taichou. He stumbled out and walked as far as he could. "I have to warn everyone else." Toshiro said as he covered his mouth. He bumped into Kenpachi.**

"**Shrimp, what's with you? Picking a fight?" Kenpachi asked as Toshiro's face started to change colors. He felt his legs get weak as he felt himself drop. He held himself up by grabbing Kenpachi's robes. He took deep breaths as he tried to hold himself together.**

"**Kenpachi-taichou……..you have to warn Yama--" Toshiro was cut short as it escaped him without a signal. Kenpachi cringed in anger as it landed all over his sandals. Toshiro went numb as he fell back and fainted. Kenpachi looked at the knocked out taichou as he tried to hold back his anger.**

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I hope you guys liked this chapter. I decided to end it with s slight cliffhanger. Poor Shirou-chan, he's right, he's still just a kid. Remember, review so I can put up the next victim!


	9. And They Say You're Fearless?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own BLEACH.

**To all the reviewers:** Thank you so much! I'm so sorry that I took so long to update.

Like I said before I was too busy to update.

**To the BLEACH fangirls:** My friends are coming up with a **BLEACH/Naruto: Seven Minutes in Heaven** quiz! I took the honor in doing the result for Byakuya! As I've heard there will be many different results. The results are long and each one it different. Confused? I'll explain. Each character has three different happenings. Love, Hate, and Random. If you don't like the character you got, simply skim past the Love Him section to Hate Him. Want to get a laugh? Skim both the see Random.

I'll inform when the quiz is ready. So have fun waiting fangirls! Because I sure as hell can't wait anymore! I only volunteered to do Byakuya's result, being a Byakuya fan, I couldn't say no! My friends are constructing the quiz itself. Now enjoy this chapter!

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**Chapter 9: And They Say You're Fearless?**

**Kenpachi growled as he looked down at the mess on his shoes. Poor Toshiro was still knocked out, but Kenpachi didn't care. "You brat, these were brand new!" Kenpachi said angrily as he kicked Toshiro to the side and walked away. "Freaking albino, puking all over my new sandals." Kenpachi growled as he reached his quarters. Yachiru was on the computer; she was on FFdotNet, reading parody stories and innocent stuff. Kenpachi walked up to the computer and sat down.**

"**Hey Ken-chan! Look at this. It's so funny!" Yachiru said as Kenpachi skimmed through the story. It was about how Yachiru always stalked Ikkaku, biting his head every time he asked her if she wanted a cookie. Speak of the devil; Ikkaku came into the room, along with his partner, Yumichika. **

"**Let's see what else they got, this time on Ikkaku." Kenpachi said as he looked up Ikkaku.**

"**Please don't tell me you're on FanFictionDotNet too taichou." Ikkaku sighed as Yumichika scoffed.**

"**I've heard that that site holds ugly things. I wouldn't dare look at it." Yumichika said as h flipped his hair. Kenpachi looked at him and grinned.**

"**I've changed my mind; let's see what they have on you, Yumichika. And I order you to read it with me." Kenpachi said as Yumichika froze in his place.**

"**B-B-But taichou….haven't you heard what's on that site?" Yumichika asked as Kenpachi gave him the notion to hurry up. Yumichika gulped he stood next to his taichou. Ikkaku laughed as he put a wastebasket next to Yumichika. **

"**Come on, we're Squad Eleven! We can take this!" Kenpachi said as Yachiru clicked on a story.**

"**Hey look here's a story with Yumichika and Baldy……..Hey Ken-chan, what does 'take it from the back' mean?" Yachiru asked as Yumichika froze. He tried not to look at Ikkaku. His stomach turned as Kenpachi made her click off. **

"**Not what I was going for….but maybe the next one will be better." Kenpachi said as Yachiru clicked another story.**

"**This one has Ichi and Yumichika. Come on Ken-chan! What does 'take it from the back' mean? It's all over this one." Yachiru said as Yumichika covered his mouth and clicked off.**

"**I've had enough; if anyone needs me…….I'll be in the restroom!" Yumichika said as he could almost feel it escape him. Yachiru gave out a hopeless sigh as she looked up herself again.**

"**What a wimp." Kenpachi said as Yachiru read a story. **

"**Hey, it's me and Byakushi!" Yachiru said happily as Yumichika gagged. "And I'm a grown up with big boobies like Matsumoto!" Yachiru said as she continued reading. She blushed red as she clicked off. Kenpachi, who wasn't paying attention, looked at her confused.**

"**What happened?" Kenpachi asked as Yachiru tried to hide her blush.**

"**N-Nothing." Yachiru said as wiped off her blush and put on a smile. "Baldy's turn!" Yachiru said as she typed up Ikkaku's name.**

"**Come on, Yumichika did it, now it's your turn." Kenpachi said as he gave Ikkaku a notion to stand next to him. Ikkaku sighed as he waited for the worse. Yachiru clicked on a story as she, Kenpachi, and Ikkaku skimmed. Ikkaku went wide-eyed when he read a line in which Renji's name along with his were in the same sentence. **

"**Click off that trash fuku-taichou!" Ikkaku said angrily as he made Yachiru click off.**

"**Some tough guy." Kenpachi said as Ikkaku got nervous.**

"**You're calling me a wimp taichou?!" Ikkaku asked surprised. Kenpachi nodded.**

"**You got that right." Kenpachi said with a grin. "You're worse than Yumichika; you can't even handle one sissy story." Kenpachi said as Ikkaku started to get disturbing images about the yaoi between him and Renji. Ikkaku picked up Yachiru and tossed her to the couch.**

"**I'm a wimp huh? Then let's see what they wrote about you taichou." Ikkaku said as he looked up Kenpachi's name. He skimmed through summaries, trying to find any stories that would make his captain get scared. Ikkaku found on he thought would be bad and clicked on it. "Here read this taichou." Ikkaku said as he gave Kenpachi the seat. Kenpachi grinned as he looked at Ikkaku.**

"**Me and Unohana? You sure know how to pick them Ikkaku." Kenpachi said as Ikkaku decided to skim through and then click off the lime. Kenpachi laughed as Ikkaku searched for another one. "Really Ikkaku, if you want to scare me you should do that stupid dance of yours." Kenpachi laughed as Ikkaku clicked another story.**

"**There, read that one!" Ikkaku said as Kenpachi started to skim. Kenpachi wiped the smile off this face quickly clicked off the story. Ikkaku grinned. "What's the matter taichou?" Ikkaku asked as Kenpachi burst in anger.**

"**I' M NOT A PEDOPHILE GOD DAMMIT!!!!" Kenpachi said as Ikkaku could already guess that it had to be a lemon with him and Yachiru. –shudders-**

"**What's wrong Ken-chan?" Yachiru asked as Kenpachi shrugged. "I'm gonna get some candy. Maybe I'll ask Big Booby-chan what 'take it from the back' means. I bet she knows." Yachiru said as she skipped out of the room.**

**Ikkaku could feel his stomach turn as he started to get VERY disturbing images of the lemon when he skimmed through it. He shuddered as he clicked another story. He gave his taichou the notion to read as Kenpachi skimmed. It was silent for a while. Ikkaku decided to skim the story himself. He froze and backed up into a small corner as Kenpachi stood up. He drew his nameless zanpakuto and thrust it towards the computer. It flew across the room and smashed into the wall, exploding into millions of pieces.**

"**How dare they!? How dare they write about me and that up-the-ass noble!?" Kenpachi yelled angrily as Ikkaku banged his head on the wall, hoping to get the images out of his head.**

"**Why…..won't ……they…..leave…..me…….in…..peace!?" Ikkaku pleaded as he bang his head. He hit himself so hard that he knocked himself out. Kenpachi went into a rage as he smashed everything around. Yachiru came back, already sensing that Kenpachi was mad and brought him a bottle of sake and a funnel connected to a tube. **

"**Here you go Ken-chan, gulp it down now!" Yachiru said with a smile as she shoved the tube into Kenpachi's mouth and poured the sake down the funnel. Kenpachi started to wobble as he fell backwards on the ground, knocked out. Yachiru hopped off of Kenpachi with a smile on her face. "Looks like I gotta go get Unohana." She said as she skipped out of the office.**

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Like I said, I'm sorry for making you all wait so long. I was busy and since I finally had some free time, I was able to write this up. Like I said, to all the fangirls, the quiz is coming soon! When it does come out I'll put the link for the quiz on my profile. Review so I can put up the next victim!


	10. IMPORTANT NOTICE PLEASE READ, NYA

**Squeaky-Chan Says:**

I am greatly sorry for not updating this story in a while. I've been so busy with other stuff and I barely have any time. Not to mention I have a MAJOR block and I have no idea what or who to write about any more.

So I've come up with a plan…….I placed a poll on my profile page. The poll consists of the remaining people in Soul Society that haven't been scarred yet.

**IT'S UP TO YOU!!!**

**You can help me in continuing this story by voting on who you want me to scar next! So go to my profile page and vote today!**

**The winner of the poll will be scarred next chapter and removed from the "Waiting" list!**

**Please help me, if you truly love this story you will help me by voting in this poll. It's not much. Just a few clicks and you're done!**

**The poll will close on March 14, 2008. The chapter with the winner will be posted the next day on March 15, 2008. The option that gets no votes at all will not get a chapter. I'll explain as to why in the next chapter with the winner.  
**

**Thank you for reading and possibly voting. **

**-Squeaky-Chan93**

**To the Bleach and Naruto Fangirls:**

The Seven Minutes in Heaven quiz is finally up! The link is on my profile page. I wrote the results for Byakuya and Ichigo. Don't ask what you have to choose to get who, because I won't tell. Hope you all enjoy the quiz!

The next one will be a Bleach Bedroom Tag….the results will be…you guessed it **LEMONS**!!! This was all my friends Loli-chan and friends' idea. Don't you worry; I will be writing all the **LEMONY** results….well except Toshiro…..Tay-chan is doing that because she loves Toshiro. But I am doing all the others. And I guarantee you…they will be **LEMONY**!!

Don't be upset Naruto fangirls…because Loli-chan and friends will be making a Naruto Bedroom Tag Edition! But please be patient; writing all these **LEMONS** will take time and hard work. I won't be working with the Naruto Edition so don't ask what's in it…because I don't know…honest. We are about……60 percent done….I think….I'll inform you guys on it when it's done…or you can just check my profile frequently for the links!

**-Squeaky-chan93 and Friends**

**ONE MORE THING!!!!!**

If it isn't too much trouble, a review would be nice. So I know what you guys think. Or you can tell me whether or not you voted and what you think of the Seven Minutes quiz or the upcoming Bedroom Tag quizzes!

**-Squeaky-Chan93**


	11. When Ignoring It Doesn't Work

**Disclaimer:**I don't own Bleach

**Squeaky Note: **As you can see the poll is now closed. All in all there were a total of 27 voters. I was a little disappointed because the story alert list and favorites GREATLY surpass that of the voting number. Oh well beggers can't be controllers I guess. Sadly enough; Shuuhei, Izuru, and Komamura had no votes at all in the entire 29-30 days that the poll was up. Need proof? The poll results are on my profile page. And as you know they get no chapter.

**Komamura:** What!? No Chapter!?

**Izuru:** We didn't even get one vote.

**Shuuhei:** I thought fangirls were loyal.

**Squeaky:** Sorry Guys. And the winner is………………….read the chapter lazy!

**- - - - -**

**Chapter 10: When Ignoring It Doesn't Work**

**Kyoraku stumbled into his office as his fuku-taichou, Nanao, was hard at work. "Taichou, where have you been all day?" Nanao asked as she stood up from her desk. Kyoraku hiccupped as he lay down on the couch.**

"**Nanao-chan, you should know by now." Kyoraku said with a smile as Nanao sighed.**

"**Why do I bother?" Nanao asked herself as she continued with her work.**

"**Hey Nanao, can you do me a small favor?" Kyoraku asked as Nanao sighed.**

"**What is it taichou?" Nanao asked as she looked at her lazy taichou.**

"**There's a website everyone's going to. It's called FanFictionDotNet. So far it's knocked out Kuchiki-taichou, Unohana-taichou, Hitsugaya-taichou, and even Zaraki-taichou." Kyoraku said as Nanao sighed again.**

"**Are you saying you want to be next?" Nanao asked as she turned on the computer.**

"**I just want to see what's so bad about it." Kyoraku said as he stood up from the couch. "To take down even Zaraki-taichou..." Kyoraku said in drunken amazement.**

"**More reason not to check it out taichou!" Nanao said in an outburst as she stood from her seat. After realizing what she had done she quickly took her seat. "Forgive me for my outburst taichou."**

"**Come on Nanao, just a peek and then we're done." Kyoraku said as he closed in on Nanao. She let out a sigh as she turned on the computer.**

"**Alright, but only a peak!" Nanao said as she opened up the web browser and looked up the URL. "Let's look up ourselves." Nanao said as she searched herself and Kyoraku, clicked on a random story and began to read. Kyoraku grabbed a bottle of his favorite sake, two cups, and sat down next to Nanao.**

"**Want some?" Kyoraku asked as he showed Nanao the bottle.**

"**Taichou, please be serious." Nanao said as she continued reading. "Great, now I've lost my place…" Nanao sighed as she skimmed to where she had left off and continued reading. She blushed slightly as she skipped to the next chapter. **

"**Something wrong?" Kyoraku asked as he took a sip of his sake.**

"**Only a small taste." Nanao said as she took the other cup on the desk. She poured herself some sake and quickly gulped it down. Kyoraku let out a laugh as he gulped down some more. "Taichou, why aren't you reading this with me?" Nanao said as she turned the screen towards her taichou. "Here, read the rest of this chapter, I don't feel like reading it."**

"**Whatever you say Nanao." Kyoraku said with a hiccup as he started to read the story. "This ain't half bad!" Kyoraku said with a laugh. "You would never let me do **_**that**_** to you." Kyoraku said as Nanao now turned blue. Envisioning the dreaded image the fanfic had implanted into her mind. She grabbed the sake bottle, pouring more into her cup and gulping it down.**

"**Please taichou, I don't want to be a drunk like you." Nanao said as she let out a small gag. She took the mouse and clicked out of the story. "Let's find something a bit…less graphic." Nanao said as she looked for another story. Unknown to Nanao, Kyoraku had rigged the search, the results were all M rated fanfics. But what Kyoraku didn't know, was that there was more than just hetero fanfics on FFdotNet….much more.**

"**You choose Nanao-chan." Kyoraku said with a drunken grin. Nanao gave him a look of disgust as she clicked another story. **

"**I'll just pretend you didn't just give me that smirk." Nanao said as read a tale of herself, a successful businesswoman, just having the greatest deal in her life ruined by her drunken husband Kyoraku, but she forgave him. Even if he had just lost her hundreds of yen, she still loved him. Then it slowly moved to a lemon, Nanao clicked off, and that was the end of that tale.**

"**What's wrong?" Kyoraku asked as Nanao took the bottle from Kyoraku and gulped down every last drop of sake. She stood up and plopped herself down on the couch. **

"**You're turn taichou, I just want these images out of my head." Nanao said as Kyoraku hopped onto the driver's seat.**

"**Let's see now…" Kyoraku said as he clicked back to the story Nanao had just clicked off of and started to read. "This isn't so bad, I kinda like it!" Kyoraku said enjoying the lemon, reading word for word. About half an hour of reading later he has done and Nanao still drunk from drinking a whole bottle of sake. Kyoraku looked at Nanao for a few seconds as he turned off the computer. He was a bit on the drunk side himself, a grin went across his face. "Oh, Nanao-chan…" He said giddily as he walked to Nanao.**

**- - - - -**

**Nanao woke up the next morning with a bad hangover. She sat up as she noticed she was on someone's futon. A shiver ran down her spine as she slowly looked at her right and saw none other than Kyoraku, fast asleep. She then noticed that she wasn't wearing any clothes.**

**An ear-piercing scream was heard all around every inch and corner of Soul Society. **

**- - - - -**

Not the ending you expected huh? Come on FFdotNet isn't that bad! –laughs- At least someone liked the stories ya freaks post on it. Just kidding you guys. I love ya! Well I hope you all liked this chapter!

I still have some stuff to work on, but I'll try to get the runner ups scarred soon. So stay tuned!


	12. Another Squeaky Note

**Squeaky Note: **As you are obviously aware. I haven't updated this story in a **LONG** while. I am very sorry, but I have my reasons. For the little nosy people who love me, you can see the end of my profile. Like the last three sentences for why I haven't been updating. Trust me; this story isn't the only one I have halted for the moment. Most of if, not all of them have been either temporarily or permanently halted. I can assure you I will try to come up with some idea for this story.

Due to popular demand…..I will restore the poll on my profile page for the character you want me to scar next. There will be fewer choices, because one has already been done and one had no votes, so they were removed. I expect more voters this time, because more than 50 people have alerted/favorited this story, and only some of the love has been shown.

I'm sorry……I'm probably sounding like a selfish person. But come on, like seven minutes of your life isn't much…is it? I mean after all I have to write these chapters…and I do it for you guys after all.

So yeah, I hope you can vote and the winner will be scarred next. There is no deadline. Hopefully my block will be gone by then.

**-Squeaky-chan**

**P.S.**-Well………Are you glad I'm still alive?


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